Have you every really wondered why you are in a relationship? It’s like many go through that moments of friendship, infatuation and sometimes sexual tension then bam, out comes the question: would you be my woman or man? It all seems glamorous too, the nights out, long hours on the phone, blah blah blah. But then, when you come right down to it: what’s the purpose of it all? What the relationship really about? Besides all that our flesh feels and craves for, what’s one’s higher purpose or role in a relationship?
I will summarize it in two words: genuine support. Irrespective of professions, one thing I have seen about genuine support is that it can make a person do things they didn’t even know they could do. I am not talking of a manipulative takeover, where one party tries to dominate the vision of another in the name of support. I am talking about sweet genuine support. And let me put it out there, support isn’t dependent on your personality type. Whether you are introverted or extroverted, you can still in your own way show genuine support. Support isn’t simply asking how someone’s day went; support is actively listening when your partner is speaking, it’s saying “let us pray” when you lack the answers for your spouses and checking in on them later. Support is being unselfish and not just thinking about what makes you happy or leaves you feeling fulfilled. Support is like being the coach of your spouse and cheering them on, holding them when they cry, providing for them, praying with them and seeing them fulfill their purpose because truly, supporting your partner should make you feel fulfilled as well.
Every human craves support, some—not all— who grew up without support in a lot of their endeavors, tend to harden up and turn selfish, or have a distorted understanding of support—real talk. Support isn’t a burdensome chore you do for someone superior to you to gain approval, support is LOVE. One thing I have seen about people who had support growing up is how willing they are to support others. But the truth is, you can’t enter a relationship with a wrong mindset about support because sooner or later, it will crumble or simply go flat.
Let’s talk about cheating. Cheating is a huge topic in many relationships, and one of the biggest reasons for this is lack of support. One will say cheating cannot be justified and I am in no way justifying it. Think of it this way, although stealing is a crime, a thief can still share what motivated his/her actions—be it hunger or lack—though these reasons are never justified. Cheating is like stealing, and many have stolen out of hunger for support. Some innocently connect with others for the support they lack and then things get complicated afterwards. And I have come to realize that the pain that comes from lack of support isn’t a respecter of persons, the pain that leads to cheating isn’t a respecter of persons either: no one is immune to this—no matter how old or pious one may be. This is why couples need to be intentional about making their relationship work, and not making it one-sided where only one person provides all the support.
Relationships need work, require time, a lot of investment and more. A relationship isn’t simply about sex and laughter. People say marry your best friend but that isn’t all. A best friend who thinks they have achieved their goals of marrying you and giving you kids can stop supporting and just become isolated by work. Loneliness in marriage is real, and communication can solve it. Sharing ones fears, concerns and more about what makes them withdraw support et ceterra, can be a great start to start finding solutions. Listening effectively and not being quick to blame, complain or use hurtful words and demeaning statements will also allow your spouse to open up to you.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.1 Peter 5:7
Lastly or should I say most importantly and above all else, PRAY….for God can salvage a dead situation…once your commit the worries of your relationship to God, He will order your steps and bring about a turn around. God works through love, and though some instructions from God after prayer may be hard to take because one is overwhelmed with anger towards their spouse; it’s these steps of love and kindness that will bring down all highwalls. Evil is never conquered by evil actions but by good actions inspired by God above.
Some people’s lack of support runs deep into their own families and backgrounds like I mentioned earlier. Some need healing from the scars they got as kids, some need counseling, deliverance and loads of prayers. Some never witnessed love and support in a home, and some didn’t even grow up in a home. This is why one of the biggest roles in a relationship is love and support, for it takes this to break chains from your partner’s past that hinder the work of God in their lives. We hear about preaching the gospel to the the poor, broken hearted and hurting and think it’s always someone far away. Sometimes your first “church member” is your spouse and yours is to preach salvation from hurt, stubbornness, poverty and more, as you are moved by love and the need to support them to become better people in life.