Among the conversations that started as a result of my previous post, one of my readers shared her thoughts with me via WhatsApp; so I decided to respond to it as well as address other concerns. She wrote:
“I disagree with a guy not committing to a woman because she can’t cook or clean… if u truly love her and these are things u can teach her why not do that and make her into the woman u want instead of jumping to the next person who might be able to cook and clean but lack other attributes.”
Based on her opinion, I reflected on these questions:
- What if he tried to and she wouldn’t budge?
- What if he tried and it didn’t work?
- What if he had some health complications and needed certain meals cooked or couldn’t stand dirt? And would rather have his wife cook than hire a chef?
However, this may be a one-sided way of looking at things. I will try to delve deeper into this from a man’s point of view.
The man’s love responsibilities
“‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’Matthew 26:31
A man is the head of his family and clan on earth which forms his lineage. In reference to this, Jesus said, strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter. In other words, strike the father (the leader) and the home becomes chaotic. A man must realize that he is the gatekeeper to his home and can either allow or prevent any generational curse, havoc or attack from entering or ensure that any that have gained ground leave. He is the protector of his household and should be ready to stand guard; covering his wife and children with constant prayer.
A man can only reach this place of calling when he is at peace with his decision to be with a particular woman. When a man truly loves a woman, he will take a bullet for her, pray for her, fight for her, do whatever it takes to keep her safe: for she is his treasure.
But when a man isn’t truly in love with a lady, he will choose to play it safe and even tune off when he finds her going through any life challenges.
What we need to understand is that love grows, and eros (romantic love) can wither away. This means if he doesn’t love you beyond romance, your relationship can come crumbling down at any time or as soon as he finds a problem with you.
That is why it is important to get to know each other well during dating and courtship. Both men and women decide to start relationships for various reasons. Some are simply in for the comfort, luxury and benefits they will derive from it. Others just need it to satisfy their sexual desires. At the ladies community meeting (refer to previous post), I shared that a guy might date a lady because of her family’s social status or parents wealth. Some also date for the networks and opportunities it gives them. Once these conditions are no longer present, they will leave when things become unfavorable. So, it is necessary to constantly evaluate relationships so that you are sure that either one of you isn’t in for some self-centered/one-sided desires.
To respond to my friend’s thoughts, I think that if he loves you, he will help and teach you. He will be willing to overlook that one trait you lack and find ways to fix that. He won’t weigh his options of leaving you because of that little issue which can be solved. Nonetheless, it will also be dependent on both parties being willing.
I, __, take you, __, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Love prepares one for the journey, if you don’t love someone enough, you will not be willing to go the long haul. For when poverty strikes or when one partner develops an illness or goes through a major life challenge you won’t know how to handle it. You will leave. But Love says I will stand by you, I will stand in the gap and fight with you. A man or woman who is in for opportunities doesn’t have time for this, as the sickness of their spouse is only but an impediment t their goals. A man may say he loves you, but till he is able to walk with you through dark times, and moments that makes you undesirable, he doesn’t love you but rather, the idea of you or their goal.
Let me ask a question:
Guys what will you do if you dated a lady because of her big booty, only for her to fall sick and lose weight? Will you leave her?
I recall a guy saying he broke up with his girl because she decided to lose weight and, in the event, she lost her rounded bottom. These are all conditional relationships.
What do you do when your partner is battling with suicide?
What do you do? Will you say good riddance to all the stress and arguing or will you bear them up in prayer: even if they choose to breakup with you during this phase?
I just want to say if you ain’t ready for the long haul of marriage, then wait till you have really found love before making a commitment. If you know you are pursuing her because she was the finest in the class or because you need sex, then you both need to re-evaluate your relationship; before deeply scarring each other and placing roadblocks in your path towards fulfilling your destinies.