A couple of years ago, I “rushed” into a relationship because I was scared someone else would have her. I was in love, we were worlds apart and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my young love to someone else. So I proposed though I knew it was too early and ended up spending our entire relationship in total fear of someone else coming after her. I must admit, I didn’t totally know her, that is, to the point where we were so close as friends that I could trust her. After tons of arguments over my dislike for other guys around her, the relationship ended. In hindsight, I figured that was the wrong reason to enter a relationship. For if a man isn’t confident in himself, or doesn’t trust his lady to stay focused on him from the very beginning, those insecurities can and will destroy the relationship.
My thoughts on relationships
To those who aren’t dating or married, I will say this: enter a relationship because you both love each other, and desire to take a next step towards marriage together. Enter because you compliment each other emotionally and spiritually. Enter because of godly love and not selfish reasons. Enter not because of money or beauty but because you sense that your God-given purpose in life is aligned with his/hers; and lastly enter because you find a best friend in the person you want to be with.
It’s always great to reach the climax of being a best friend to who you desire to spend your life with, before making your proposal; else immaturity and other emotional instabilities will cripple the relationship when intimacy comes in. This is why intimacy is reserved for married couples: that is, best friends who have grown and matured together and who desire to start a family together as one; whiles guiding the other towards the fulfilment of his/her God given purpose.
So in short, deep friendship is always needed before making things official; else you might end up dating a person you dislike or one who will draw you back in life. If you are paranoid about losing the person you are either pursuing or friends with, then they aren’t yours or you aren’t matured yet to be with them. Paranoia fades away with trust and trust builds more and more through a deep godly friendship.
If you are going to spend a huge part of your life sleeping in the same bed with someone; then it’s crucial that you first learn to be best friends with them before getting tied up in spontaneous moments of intimacy. Because when storms come, intimacy can’t solve the problems, but rather understanding and love built through the friendship can. It’s easier to love, trust and listen to a friend than another who is just a pretty face with a beautiful body.
Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain (Psalms 127:1).
Above all: except God builds your relationship, both of you would only labour in vain to build it or keep it going. Everything you do as a couple must be grounded and built on Him if your relationship is to survive.