A friend of mine said the craziest thing this weekend; that he was going to write a “detailed business plan” to find a wife: he being the target market and she, the perfectly crafted product. I don’t entirely know what he meant—but I found it funny. I was just wondering as he spoke, what a five year projection will look like and what the market analysis will contain—ladies, do you see what we go through to find you. Okay on a more serious note, I do believe that the search for a wife isn’t an easy task; but the question is, where does one start? It’s my prayer that this article and all the comments that you—my readers—provide, will save many from writing a detailed “business plan” or going through a billion meaningless hurts and heartbreaks like I did.

Okay, so this weekend was totally awesome, besides spending time with the most amazing woman in my life; I reconnected with two old friends of mine, both of whom kind of inspired this article. The truth is, this topic—the role of a wife or helpmeet—has been on my heart since October but I never quite received a satisfactory answer till I sent the question below to a couple of friends and family for answers.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18 KJV)

What exactly is she (a wife, helper or companion) supposed to help him do?

That was my simple question and below are some of the responses I received; beginning with a conversation that really blessed me. I, however, decided to make my friends anonymous.

1st Convo

G: Lol, I have some opinions on that….In general we all have certain ideas or opinions on what a wife’s role is but these ideas are unique to each individuals upbringing, environment etc. This is notwithstanding the general idea of being loving, caring, empathetic, humble, kind, faithful and hardworking. Beyond this there are certain traits that each person looks out for.

Dela Anyah: But my question is, a father, mother or sister can do all this, so in this case besides sex and procreation what separates or should separate her?

G: For a christian man his helper’s first priority should be helping him fulfil his purpose according to Christ’s will. Whether it’s by going to work everyday or staying home or in whatever way it manifests, a wife’s first priority should be in helping her husband fulfill his purpose…Just as it is a husbands responsibility to do ensure that his wife also fulfills hers. There is no single idea that can encompass what a wife should do to truly be a ‘helper’ because each person is different, depending on the situation, circumstances , etc.

Dela Anyah: You really said a lot bro…question is, do ladies mature into this “helper calling” or do they instinctively know their “role” from the onset? Are you saying a wife should be like a business partner?

G: Most people mature into this ‘helper’ calling as they learn more about their partner and his needs/purpose but there are certain cases where you find a person who just instinctively ‘knows’ and that happens by grace and favour from the Father. If thats what the situation calls for then yes she is a business partner.

Dela Anyah: This is deep!!!….I am coming to reflect on this. Wow!!! It’s really loaded bro!! What this means is that, we need to pursue and fulfil our purpose to the fullest of our God-given capacity, and that at the climax of it all, where and when we truly need a helper, she will know within herself and see her exact role in our unfolding vision…right? And if we do all this and she still doesn’t see herself in everything we are doing, then it means she isn’t the one or is still maturing…right? Thanks a million…this is very tight 👌🏽

G: When you find the ‘right’ person your goals/purpose/direction will be parallel, there will be a ‘oneness’ so the achievement of your purpose will be hers also.

Dela Anyah: Wow!! They don’t teach this in school bro… Deep stuff👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽. Pondering on it all…

G: You support her, she supports you…and you both do this according to Gods will.

Dela Anyah: The key word is parallel…

2nd Convo

K: A wife is supposed to help her husband fulfil his divine assignment here on earth. All human beings were created for a purpose. It’s so important that a man aligns himself with a women that shares a similar vision with him. Together there would be nothing they cannot achieve. On the contrary, when a man finds a wife for the sake of just getting married, his life begins an endless downward spiral. And that’s not God’s vision for our life…

Dela Anyah: Brief yet loaded…man of wisdom. Thanks. Wow…Pondering on your words, will give you feedback in a bit. God bless you.

3rd Convo

AA: A wife is supposed to be exactly what you described.

But before a man can qualify to have a wife, he must have a VISION.

We see in the creation story that God only brought EVE into ADAM’S life after he had given him the responsibility of taking care of the garden of Eden. So to answer your question, a woman is to help the man achieve his vision by being a companion, help mate and a wife.

Dela Anyah: Wow…God bless you. He must be a man of vision and not a confused man.

My final thoughts

What I take from these three amazing conversations is this: a woman will only truly see herself as your helpmeet when you are fulfilling or walking in your destiny and not whiles you are dreaming or hoping to achieve what you have been called to do. Her role is dependent on what God places within her, and yours as the man, is to solely focus on your God-given purpose.

Thanks for reading and do kindly share your thoughts if you have any. God bless you.


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