The biggest “thing” you are going to fight when pursing another girl, guys, or considering a new man, ladies, is your past. More specifically the memories of your hurts and failures. And guess what, in two years, every decision we all make today will be a part of our past. We all write our pasts (our future fears) every single day, and thus, we need to let God totally guide our every action lest we live a mediocre life filled with fear, frustration and failure. With that said, I have to say that this is going to be a very candid post. And as most of you guys know, I use a lot of past experiences to relay my messages. The inspiration for this post came from a conversation I had with a friend, who was going through a moment of mild depression and loneliness. Actually, it was two friends in one day, but anyway, I pray you’ll be blessed by it.
You know that overwhelming feeling of frustration and failure that blankets us when we come out of a failed relationship or pursuit. Yep, that feeling that leaves you crying and/or depressed for days. It totally sucks! The sad thing is, many young adults my age and under are experiencing it as you read this. What makes this feeling every more frustrating is when you strongly believed that you liked someone; when you put in your all in the hopes of a beautiful relationship, only to be trampled underfoot to the point where you feel so low that you forget who you truly are.
I once believed that I liked this girl back in university. I had a farrago of dreams about her, I guess that made me think she was some sort of enigmatic dream girl. She schooled outside Ghana and I spent a truckload of my pocket money making calls outside….but she never called me back. Three years went by and I did all the calling just to prove one point: that I could stand by my commitments to pursue and be undistracted by other girls back in Ghana. (Will be really humorous to find her reading this post but anyway.)
I lay on my bed many times during those three years to ask myself what I wasn’t doing right. One day after pondering over my heartache, I took in a couple of shots of vodka offered by a friend. This was back in my second year of university. After the shots, we took a long walk telling jokes and laughing like we didn’t have a care in the world. Who was I kidding? I was supposed to be drunk after those shots, for I don’t drink, but in the midst of all that vain laughter, I was barely drunk…and honestly I was crying within. The memories were still playing slowing, waiting for me to get back to my hostel, to the very places where I made my calls to her so that they could overwhelm me to a state of hopelessness once again.
As we walked aimlessly around campus, I clearly heard God ask me one of His “what do you think you are doing?” questions. I was clearly playing a role in a play meant to destroy me. One frustrating experience was causing me to drift away from God and this, as I realised over the years, is one of the ways in which the devil has snatched a lot of young adults. Many guys pursue girls who make them feel like trash, and girls date guys who make them feel like garbage and not the princesses that God has created them to be. In the end, most of these girls build high [emotional] walls, as well as slowly drift away from God. We guys usually become monsters. I can give a countless stories, but one that instantly comes to me is another incident from back in 2012, when a girl I was pursuing—a different girl from the former—made me feel like a total nobody. That experience inspired my post, Love Lost: the birth of a monster.
Back to my story. When you pursue a girl whose beauty and not character or outlook on life is all that drives you to pursue her, bro, you are doomed from the start. I would love to repeat that but am sure you get it. “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised (Proverbs 31:30).”
I pursued a girl that I hardly, if not never spoke to on phone or in person besides one time when we had a ‘little’ misunderstanding. Basically we never spoke over the phone because she cut my calls. Yes, it was that deep! But anyway, when you feel you like someone, but can’t totally fathom your emotions and this makes your heart hurt: it makes you mad at God, it makes you bitter with life, it makes you dream up weird fantasies and utopian experiences, it makes you sever ties with your true friends and family; Dudes, any girl who directly or indirectly puts you in a place where you are far from God and continually bombarded with temptations from various sources is not sent to you from God and isn’t your helpmeet. Same goes to girls. Many girls are nursing heartbreaks with romantic fantasies which only makes them magnets for sex starved men who are themselves hurt and frustrated and aren’t willing to have their hearts broken again by another woman.
Okay, so like most of you know, and we all know, loneliness is real. But it should never be mistaken for the yearning one has for a helpmeet. Loneliness is crazy, I once felt so hallow that I drove straight to the Accra Mall to watch a movie all alone in order to block out my thoughts and emotions. Loneliness comes from pain, separation from God. And this separation comes when we are drawn away from God by the cares of life, wrong relationships, pursuits and the scars they leave on us. Finally, till your heart is right with God, till your broken heart has been nursed back to its original state by God, you wouldn’t be able to clearly discern whether what you feel is a true yearning for a helpmeet, or your battered soul crying out for Love, for God who is Love (See 1 John 2:15-17). The end.